An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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