drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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