I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
