And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
sex in a hospital.. check
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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