i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
