you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
