you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
