So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
