Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
