Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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