he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
