Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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