just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
