stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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