We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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