don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
