i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
