My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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