What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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