I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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