We won't sleep together?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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