Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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