I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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