Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
