bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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