A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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