i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A bitchslap is in order.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
