Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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