How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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