his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Enjoy the penises
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
