I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
