I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
