I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
