I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize