i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
