Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
