I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
