I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Randomize
