my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you would pick up someone in the library
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
