I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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