he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
