so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
