I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
false alarm, still single
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