omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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