the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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