When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
