I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
