So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
