i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
