I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
