I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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