Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
