Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Did we literally take a cab across the street
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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