All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
