I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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