were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
