what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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