Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
