She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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