shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
