I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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