we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
be right there i have to get my cape
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
