What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I had to cum in my sink.
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