I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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