i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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