I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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