I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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