I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
