I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i permit you to call me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
