at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
