Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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