How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You don't make any sense
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