Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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