I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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