those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
