but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
