I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
