Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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