Im at strip club and am horny
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i used baking grease as lip gloss
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
