I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
