Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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