Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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