I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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